It’s so interesting that as I sit here on a Monday after thirty-odd years I am back in the place I was born, Melbourne. Sitting here I do ponder how life can go ‘seemingly well’ and then before you know it, life as I knew it has changed. The breakdown of my marriage in itself is one of the most difficult decisions to make but finding me has been a big challenge and one that I am still learning to do.
I know that with age things do change and sometimes that change is difficult. The simple act of ‘driving in the city’ or ‘dropping by someone’s place for a coffee’ is daunting. I don’t know anyone here, I know family but that is it. Everyone has their own life to lead, jobs that they go to and families to look after, but myself.. well only I can work out what I need to do in ‘finding me’. It is not easy at all but giving up is not an option!
I have had some unbelievable support from my family which includes those that are not blood, yes family doesn’t mean blood relatives. Over the last few weeks and months, I’ve given too much of myself and ultimately trusting too much with devastating consequences. I know what that means and as open as I am in my writing there are some things that are left better kept to oneself.
There is only so much that people can do to help you. I’ve been given an opportunity to re-start what I consider to be a “new life”, an improved version of me, but at the heart, Lina is still that … Lina.
“The scenery may have changed, it is now time for me to find myself in a unfamiliar setting”
There are some things that I have found though. You can’t find yourself with someone else, you have to find out who you are first. I believe slowly but surely I am getting there. I know what I don’t want in life, and at my age history will not repeat itself, that I am sure of.
So, finding me is ongoing progress. Sometimes I make the mistake of thinking that in my forties I need to know it all now, but that simply is not the truth. I have so much to learn, so much to find and with perseverance, I will get there but I have to be patient with not others, but me. Never make the mistake that it is too late to make a new life for yourself, you just have to force yourself into situations that you are not comfortable in. That is life.
So, finding me, I’m getting there and I know with future posts that this process will be positive and daunting. I do know that as forest Gump said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are getting!” Watch this space!!
(Written by Lina Raudino)