You cant please everyone, you cant be what others would like you to be, all you can do is be you.. easier said than done!
I have a reflective style of writing and will continue to do that. We all have a story to tell, we change, grow and sometimes with that fear can control what we do in our future.
I can only speak for me and purposely to be fair to all. The loss of a loved one is difficult, and those that know me will appreciate how difficult it was and still is to loose my father. The loss that I never thought I would experience is the loss of a marriage..
The breakdown of a marriage is not something that you see for yourself even though statistics show that marriage’s do indeed breakdown. I married when I was 30 and can say that I had some of the best times of my life. I enjoyed sharing my life who I thought would be as they say “my happy ever after”…
My marriage broke down. The reasons are personal and will stay like that. Being alone after 13 years is a loss that I didn’t expect. I sit here in 2019 and at 43 feel lost. Breaking up is hard enough, but not knowing what to do next is just as hard.
“who am I?” “how do I act?” “what did I do wrong?”
These are the questions that I ponder and realise it will take time. I know that I am not perfect, I have my faults, but I never regret anything in my past, including my marriage. Have I learnt from the loss of my marriage? Yes, to find who I am and trying to find a new path in life. I no longer ask, what did I do wrong.. not because I think I’m perfect but rather it is about moving forward
Moving forward includes my study, finding work and seeing what a new life looks like on my own. Will I love again? I hope so. Will I marry again? I hope so. That is what I do know. If anyone goes through a marriage breakup loss is the feeling I did not expect, it hurts, but I can say that unlike some others, we are still friends. I am grateful for that, always will be. I don’t have children, unlike others who do and I can only imagine how challenging that would be.