Grief ‘the backpack’

He was my father, my mother, my best friend… my papa.

Its funny how you think in time grief gets easier but I’m here to say from my personal experience that is not the case. My reality.

A friend of mine said to me that the feeling of loosing someone you love is like a backpack.. you always carry it but some days the load is heavier than others. Today that backpack is full, it would have been my papa’s 85th Birthday. I really didn’t know how to express myself, so I thought I would do best, write from my heart.

‘Remembering.. a symbol’

You can’t not grieve in life, because that would mean you have not loved, and the innate nature to love is why we are here. Without love, the world would certainly be worse off.

Papa and I would always talk about ‘when he would go’. It may sound strange but he worried about me as I did him. The natural order of progression as they say is parents go first, for me I wish it was the other way around.

I wish he could see that when I lost him 6 years ago that I’ve changed as a person, both good and bad. I feel like I’ve accomplished so much but sometimes so little. We all grow and change and I think with those that we love we want them to see that. He never did…………..

This post is not about how to get over grief, I’m not an expert in this field nor do I particularly like the ‘grief process’ that psychologist’s go on about. I just truly believe that everyone grieves in different ways and that with that, respecting that is so important.

I’ve come across many that have experienced grief, some fine it easier while others are still ‘stuck in that moment’. I’m the person stuck in that moment but still trying to carry on with life, it really is all we can do.

In saying all of that I wish my papa ‘Happy 85th Birthday, if he was still here, his comment would be ‘not bad for a old man’. His humor radiated and people were drawn to him for that and many other qualities. So for an old man…. to a ‘older daughter’… Happy birthday..

‘the woman that I am now, the backpack is full today’

Much love, your daughter.. always thinking of you… everyday you inspire me to be the daughter you would be proud of……….. xo

Linucha

Written by (Raudino, L)

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