Grief…. ‘as told from a daughter to her father’

Writing about the loss of my father is something that I have not been able to do until now.

why that is the case, I don’t know? All I know is that losing the first man you ever love is also the greatest grief that you can not imagine.

My father was my everything, and still is. I could say that in death things change… they do, but the loss is amplified by 1000.

Like all parents, no-one is perfect… I will purposely just talk about my father as he has shaped me into the person I am today. He was not without flaws, as I am not. The one thing though that my father had ‘was unconditional love’ for his daughter. Again, I purposely leave other family members out of this writing, out of respect for them.

Papa immigrated to the ‘lucky country’ from Italy when he was 18. Oldest of three but the one constant in my life… up until 5 years ago in August. That day will forever be etched in my mind as if it was yesterday…..

Papa loved life!! He loved his food, wine and had the most wicked sense of sarcastic humor!!!! They are only a few things that I have so happily got from him….. He said the most inappropriate things, but he didn’t care!!!

He was a very Christian man, but that did not mean he ‘reformed’ to what that means…. he loved God, and I respect that he had that in his life, that and his daughters, kept him going when life really knocked him down……………

Papa’s illness started with diabetes but eventuated into so much more.. He went from kidney problems, leukemia and ultimately he rapidly passed away with complications of Lewy Body Dementia….

How cruel to see someone who loved life, believe “dirt was on the ground” and that the person he was not his wife anymore “cleaning in the bathroom” after 15 years of separation…. 

THE MIND

Papa would be proud of what he achieved in his life, but also, in the end, he also knew where he made his biggest mistakes… hence the last song played at his funeral service was, Frank Sinatra “I did it my way”

There is not one day in my life that I miss his voice, his touch, his humor, HIM!

I remember him for his love of ‘Get Smart’, ‘Are you being served?’, ‘Pink Panther movies’ and so much more…. I remember him, for the hugs that only a father can give, BUT I always knew one thing:

Papa loved me, who I am, and was proud of me!”

I wish I could bring him back, but that his grief, and” anyone that has experienced grief will know that it is what it is, if you love with all ALL YOUR HEART;

“YOUR HEART BREAKS”

“The biggest hurt in the world”

I love you papa xoxo

(Written by Lina-Raudino-Grosso)

“May your wings soar, may you now be in peace and your mind free of the confusion and your body free from the pain”